A Pause and Reset

Retirement hasn't felt like retirement.  Or what I think that it should feel like.  It feels like time off.  That I should still be packing a lunch and getting up with an alarm when Monday comes around.

I wrapped up my final work shift with a long and boring day. I wasn't around the dingbat manager, it fact had zero interaction.  I was back to my previous area and didn't recognize more than a couple of people.  There has been major staff turnover.  Its very different now.  The staffroom is very quiet at lunch with everyone staring at their phones or they have headphones in.  Years ago it was always lively fun conversations.  I enjoyed the lunchroom and looked forward to it. Learning about what everyone was doing, their kids, hobbies, travel, latest recipes, new restaurants etc.  My last day it was cold and quiet.  Those that spoke, did so in tagalog.  Not somewhere that I want to stay or that I miss now gone.  The comradery was gone, the friendliness was gone. It was awful. 

I would like to be out for daily walks.  Nope.  I was waiting for a foot MRI, but have declined. At least I'm not limping as bad as I was!  I don't want to have surgery, so I'm hoping that I will get better on my own.  It is improving daily.

I've had 4 medical appointments this month. (None have been for me!  haha) I am fortunate or maybe they are fortunate that I have the ability/time to get them where they need to go! 3 family members so far and hopefully everyone will be on the mend.

After this last appointment accompaniment for elderly family I needed to extend my care for them to three days. I went back to my parental units. It was something.

I told my DH that I will not return until there is a significant adverse event. It was torturous. Wildly out of touch with the realities of the mothers memory impairment. Mean, vile and hateful towards everyone. EXCEPT still able to put on a fake show of being pleasant when a person stopped by to canvass. Good to see that hasn’t changed since I was a child. I was relieved to come home. 

Me being at home has helped the grocery budget.  The last 2 weeks I have been very diligent about menu/leftovers and we have eaten very well.  I have dietary changes to manage an auto immune rash, it limits eating out for the past year and makes it a necessity to cook at home. 

I've decided that I'm in a time of reset or pause.  I'm going to allow myself to rest, to zone out, or to be involved as much or as little as I want.  The kids are all doing their own thing and I need to find my thing.  I have some stuff planned for next week that could be a major change.  

Today was my first pension payment.  It is just what I thought it would be.  But I also have more No Spend days than other days.  This month so far are 18 no spend days.  Not being able to walk well, certainly curtails the shopping!  Plus I don't need or want anything other than food.  I do plan to purchase a little something for halloween for the grandbaby, but that will be a little toy (maybe).

I prepared for about 75 trick or treaters last night. It was a nice mild day here. The neighbourhood, like me has gotten old! Nice to see the kids and costumes but there were only about 50 kids. Even with quite a few new families that have moved in over the last year. Oh well, lots of treats for dh’s office. None for me as chocolate seems to be a bad food.  

Kid 3 is home for a few days, it changes the quiet house. I will have the whole crew here for food and visit before he leaves. Makes my heart happy to have everyone around the table, also to have the laughter and joy that the baby brings. It’s restorative.  I’m already looking forward to Christmas!

I have a feature on my banking app that tracks money in vs out.  I’m still doing very well.  Saving diligently.  My investments are fluctuating, and the market is unpredictable right now. Just going to ride it out.

The good things:

Babies 

Mild fall 

Things that suck:

The parental units 

US election is clogging the airwaves here 

Feeling in flux 

But here is my tree that provides the best yellow in my yard. Then when the leaves drop, the bark is very pretty.  Year round display!