6 years ago this is where I was.  It was a wonderful day.

Today too is wonderful.  So many changes have happened.  I’m on track to retire in 9-10 months. Currently saving $500 per week to add to the retirement plan.  I don’t know if I will end my employment then, but I can if I want. 

My work has been thrown into complete chaos.  Not terrible but definitely not a great environment.  My coworker has a new boss. The new boss is a useless fool. The fool keeps busy by micromanaging to the point of ridiculous.  They try that with me too.  When I tell them “I can’t get anything done because you keep asking what I’m getting done every 30 minutes”. I get a duhh face. Then I have to explain what I’ve already explained 30 minutes ago. Repeat 5 times a day!  I’ve had 3 toddlers so I’ve dealt with this before!

I just smile and keep it simple.  Seems to work.

Some huge life changes since I blogged last. My nest is empty. Kid 3 was added to a team a few hours away. Scramble to set up classes and living away. I was not prepared to say the least. I miss him horribly.  But a couple months and he will be back.  Now we have xmas together and I love it.  

Grocery bill is 1/3 of what it used to be.  

The man and I reached the brink.  He is in weekly counselling since the end of September.  I saw a therapist too. I’m not going back for now.  She said when I feel I’m ready to address trauma that I had as a child and young woman it would help, but I’m not ready.  What I do know is I will not put up with his behaviour for one more minute. I’m prepared financially if I need to leave.  

My parental units continue to be an annoyance.  I can’t fix things that are their own doing and choosing.  The mother has a noticeable cognitive decline, but her wicked narcissism helps cover it up.  She has always made herself to be the victim/martyr in stories, so the validity of her tales has always been questionable.  But now recounting events with names and dates is quite off.  Her incontinence continues to get worse.  (I wonder if someone has tried smacking the shit out of her as she did me and my sibling at age 2 for using a diaper?). Oops part of my old unhealed trauma coming out.  They have refused to move closer, so come what may.  I’m not dropping everything and driving half a day to cater to them. 

This xmas should be quiet.  Trying to have some time with all 4 kids now and eagerly awaiting the grand baby.  My dil is doing great.  Had a queasy start, but it’s actually funny to see how big her appetite is. (I of course do not ever say this!) she’s making up for lost meals that she had for the first few months.  

I have some shopping to do for kid 3 who needs some clothes for school.  (Easy to wash stuff because he has to do his own…funny how that’s a worry when mom isn’t there)

A couple stocking stuffers and then I should be all relaxed 😎 

Wishing you and yours a very happy holiday season!

BKat

Smoking Summer

 

Try to keep on the bright side.

Summertime is over, back to school. A summer of smoke and haze.  Not that enjoyable outside most days. I have a constant runny nose, cough and or mildly sore throat on the daily. I don’t have underlying lung issues either, for those it must be awful. 

Sports camp ended in disappointment. (Not for mom) So at home for grade 12.

I was able to max out my TFSA for the year. I chose a 1 year GIC. 5.5% is solid earnings. The RRSP’s that I have are not great. My older TFSA holdings are doing very well. I’m on track to retire in 12 months. My hesitation is that the man is still working from home. My days off now are often not enjoyable or relaxing. I may need to extend my career if he’s still not in the office. 

What is beyond wonderful…I’m going to be a grandma!!! I couldn’t be happier!!!

I will make myself available for childcare whenever they need. So proud of both of them. They’re both working on their masters now too.

Middle kid - praises be has found a job and seems to really like it.

Youngest, well when one door closes another one opens. I think there are great things ahead for this year.

Things that are great:

My TFSA

My hair! (Not even joking) I use my new brush/dryer and found a great product medley and no more frizz,

My grandbaby!

Things that suck:

My parental units 

Not having a peaceful house for retirement.

Here are more happy flowers 😁 to end on a positive!

Bloom Where You Are Planted

 

One low bloom on my lilac.  The rest are waaay up there on a shrub that should not be that tall.  I like this one, it blooms deep pink.  The yard

is heading into full bloom, and needs tending every day. Watering and some dead heading keeps the colours on show.  

A quiet summer ahead.  No graduation, no wedding.  Sports camp in September.  I want to head to the east coast.  I’ve never been in Canada, only the u.s.  As usual, it’s all depending upon the camp success.  

Health is seemingly a constant thing for me now. Just waiting for CT results that should be coming Monday. If it’s like this now, how awful will it be when I’m in my 60’s?

For nice things I spent an afternoon with extended family and had a wonderful visit. Lots of laughter and a few tears, but filled my heart. The most wonderful thing ever said to me “Who would have thought 54 years ago how wonderful your life would be”. Remembering me as an infant coming home from the hospital. “Look how great you turned out! Look what a beautiful family you’ve made!”  I needed to hear that. They know how hard I have worked to be better than where I came from and the loads I have carried. 

Because of the nice time we spent, my parental units are giving me the silent treatment. Jealous and angry because people are happy, visiting freely and each drank 1 beer. They don’t know how to enjoy the company of others.  It has to be a constant stream of mean gossip, how they are better than everyone…smarter, work harder, richer.  Nobody except them know how to do anything.  It all has to be awful or it isn’t worth talking about.  Then they get into politics and sexual preferences.  The minds are so narrow that they can’t see in front of their face.  The silent treatment isn’t such a bad thing!

I’m going to enjoy today, walk to the library.  Bbq this evening with the in-laws, but it’s only for a couple hours so I can handle it.  

My kid 3 is growing like a weed.  The food intake and sleep is astonishing really!  School marks are so good, I’m super proud.  Lots of activities being juggled around homework and a social life that’s 100x better and busier than mine 😊 If the camp doesn’t play out, I get to keep him at home another year. We’ve had a few rough patches, undeveloped frontal cortex issues.  Or being stupid some would say, but learning life lessons.  Much more mature than I was at 16 that is for certain. I’m hoping that unconditional love that I share with all 3 of my kids helps them get past mistakes and gives confidence.  I’m trying anyway, it’s not how I was raised, or ever treated.  I’m trying to do better every day.

Enjoy the weekend!

 Changes have Reverted 

The person that I used to work with, had been moved into management. The odd behaviour and the inability to navigate management type problems caught up with them.  They were removed from their management role and slid back into the desk beside me. Thus I am back with my original colleague. This isn’t such a bad thing. This is a case of the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.

My third kid had a great sports season, however, was cut from team that invited him to camp for 10 days last year. This isn’t a bad thing in Mom‘s opinion. Living at home for the last year of high school, maintaining excellent marks, and having good friends in his social circle will be of great benefit.  The saying that when one door closes, another door opens is very true. There have been numerous potential opportunities that he can take advantage of after graduating high school. He is interested in playing in the US, and with his skills and high marks this should be achievable.

My family situation is chaotic and hilarious. The golden sibling has ended another relationship. That is a good thing. The bad thing is, there was no legal agreement. (but when you won’t listen to your mom or your sister and you think you are smarter than everyone, you can sort these things out on your own) You can also sort out your debt which has grown by another 125,000. (This is on top of the 300,000 from before) It is beyond ridiculous. The best part is the expectation that the elderly parents should pay off the debt in its entirety. I have been living within my means, have paid off all of my debts, and have saved for my future. Meanwhile, the golden sibling lives the life of Riley without a care in the world, or thought about where the money is coming from. Banks, car dealerships and credit card companies love suckers like that. Once again, I was summoned that I needed to fix this problem. However, this problem is not mine to fix. The golden child, who scoffs at my house and rolls her eyes at my 15-year-old car does not need my advice, because clearly I am beneath them. You are smart enough to figure out how to obtain all of this money that isn’t yours then you should be smart enough to figure out how to pay it back.

My retirement is on the horizon. My focus is on my health, my children and our lives.  I’m also trying really hard to keep a positive mind frame and not fall into the everything is terrible mindset. The spring time should help with that! I’m looking forward to spending time on the deck.we’ve been able to barbeque a few times and that helps take some pressure off of me for meal planning. I did subscribe to a meal kit delivery service and so far it has been fantastic. The only downside is, there is more prep than what I thought, but it is very nice to have all ingredients pop out of a bag! The food selection and flavour has been great and received well by myself and my teenager. I’m going to keep using it probably not every week, but I will get it for weeks that we are busy. I can’t buy the variety of groceries needed for the recipes for the price that I get it for.  Plus, I have been in a real rut, deciding what to make for dinners. Everybody is hungry, but nobody has any ideas what they want to eat! 

The good things:

My children.

My retirement.

3-5 meals a week decided upon!

Winter Update

 

Sometimes you need to only look out your window to see the beauty around.  This was out my back door the other day.  Hoar frost is a treat in the winter, turning everything into a sparkling show.

When I typed “Out your window” I immediately thought of Kim and my heart goes out to her and her family.  She’s been such a kind and funny support for me over the years.  I hope that she knows how much she’s appreciated and cared about.

I saw the new year in with family, exhausted after a 7 hour drive and a week away for kid 3 sport.  I did get to see my favourite cousin and his family for a few hours, so that was a welcome bonus.  Kid 3 did great, very proud of the hard work.

I checked my “retirement calendar” and it shows 619 days!  I am putting the cruise control on and plowing forwards.  Anytime that I mention it to the man he becomes even more surly than his normal surly self.  And that is how he is.  

The parental units are purging their hoard and planning on a move here in the next year.  The purge = giving me all the crap that my sibling doesn’t want.  Lucky me.  Things that I needed 20 years ago, going through my divorce they were unable to give me.  Like a dining table and chairs in the basement that they piled boxes on.  They needed it.  Nobody has ever eaten a meal at that table, but it couldn’t be parted with.  Now - “Didn’t you want that table downstairs?”  No thanks, I’m getting ready to downsize myself.

What has been positive is that I am finally not completely exhausted every day.  The secret…

My own bedroom.  I don’t get woke up 15-20 times a night by snoring and flopping around on the bed, him up to the bathroom 2-3 times.  The man is morbidly obese and his health is not unaffected.  

I found my sleep success when he had covid and I moved to a different bedroom.  Glorious, simply glorious to sleep 8 hours a night!  To not have dark circles under my eyes and be dragging myself out of bed everyday, amazing!  It was awful sharing a bed in the hotel.  I needed a nap every day to function.

I am also reading books, last year was only 25, but I was busy with the wedding.  This year I hope to hit 40.  I use the Good Reads app and my local library has an app that makes it beyond simple to request books.  I get an email when my book is in, and it is on a shelf waiting for me with my name on it.  I love it.  

My work situation has changed.  It happened quite suddenly when I walked into work, there was someone else sitting beside me. I knew nothing about the change happening.  This person has loads of family problems and a sense of great self importance.  They also think that they are my boss.  They aren’t.  So there are quite a few clarifications that I need to do daily as they try to define my scope of practice.  This new person is permanent I fear, so I only work extra days when they aren’t there.  The family disruptions that they get are so bizarre and disrupting to myself and all the offices around it is ridiculous.  I like working alone best.  I also like working from home.  I have a good set up here.  Comfortable and quiet, but sadly I need to be on site for much of what I do.

I go back to work in a couple of days and I’m feeling the dread build up.  I hate that.

But it pays the bills and builds my retirement fund.

So only good things to end:

A stack of books

A wonderful nights sleep

Healthy kids that I love being around and spending time with.

Just keep swimming!